PAX Centurion - November / December 2014

Page 28 • PAX CENTURION • November/December 2014 617-989-BPPA (2772) Is brushing your teeth before going to the dentist like cleaning your car before you go to the car wash? H H H H H H H H H H H Have you ever had a meal that was so good, you wish you could go back in time 15 minutes and eat it again? H H H H H H H H H H H Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Absolute vodka intoxicates, absolutely. H H H H H H H H H H H I don’t own an assault rifle, I own a modern sporting rifle. Sounds so harmless – TAKE THAT gun grabbing liberals!! H H H H H H H H H H H I don’t think it’s the tryptophan that makes you sleepy after your Thanksgiving meal, rather it’s the fact you just consumed more food than an entire Central American village. H H H H H H H H H H H I w ent by a group of PETA protesters, spouting their nonsense about meat and fur. Obviously, one of them didn’t get the memo, and held up her sign wearing a pair of leather gloves. H H H H H H H H H H H My son opined that since a dog’s nose is about 100 million times better than a human’s, how good it must smell when someone’s cook- ing say a steak, for instance. I countered that most people fart more than they eat steak. H H H H H H H H H H H I find it funny that it’s all ALWAYS OUR fault when someone gets to the booking desk. H H H H H H H H H H H All units be sure to have their PPE or Riot Gear available at all times, but you won’t be using it. It seems there is a better chance of getting a hernia from carrying it around, than being struck by a bottle. H H H H H H H H H H H Somerville is known as the “All American City,” but since local pols have made it a sanctuary destination, it will soon be the “Non- American City.” H H H H H H H H H H H Why do Reproductive Rights include abortion?A procedure that by its very nature, halts reproduction. H H H H H H H H H H H Liberals sold the de-criminalization of marijuana by claiming pot was harmless – hmm, in two high (pun intended) profile cases, the use of dope was anything but. Marathon bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev’s buddy Robel Phillipos claimed in his defense that he was so high on pot that he did not know what he was doing when he dumped evidence from Tsarnaev’s dorm room. Gentle Giant Mike Brown’s toxicology report showed marijuana in his blood and urine. Brown was killed in a confrontation with a Ferguson, MO Police Officer after a robbery. That, boys and girls is why they call it “dope.” H H H H H H H H H H H If you want to know who the smartest man in the room is, just wait, when he tells you, cross him off the list ASAP. H H H H H H H H H H H How do you spot a true believer? Ask a liberal woman if she would forego a diamond. Ask an atheist to sell their soul. Ask an abortion rights activist to support the death penalty. H H H H H H H H H H H Last year, I remodeled the bath in my master bedroom. This “Cotton-Headed Ninny-Muggins” By P.O. Jay Moccia included a new light fixture that features a fluorescent bulb, which is just now starting to go. I may take my time replacing it though, because the dim light makes me look ten years younger. H H H H H H H H H H H President Obama mentioned in a speech that Muslims were a “part of the fabric of America” from the very beginning. As a student of history, I don’t recall seeing that in any of the books I read. File under: Osama Ben Franklin. H H H H H H H H H H H Diversity includes diversity of opinion. H H H H H H H H H H H A possible Ebola patient is being treated at Mass. General. He asked his caregiver why he’s only been getting pancakes, and pizza to eat. The doc replied:”because that’s all that will slide under the door.” H H H H H H H H H H H China has banned all puns – that may be a good thing for US con- sumers. Have you ever seen the horrible grammar on those translated instructions??? Puns banned – crap, I’d be facing a Death Penalty. H H H H H H H H H H H The Obama Administration nominated Soap Opera producer and $$$ campaign donor Colleen Bell as Ambassador to Hungary. A spokesman could not articulate any specific qualifications, but it’s rumored during an interview, when asked how her appointment would benefit US/Hungary relations, she replied; “I’d feed them, of course…” (take THAT China!). H H H H H H H H H H H Republican Charlie Baker was elected Governor of Massachusetts, after defeating Democratic challenger Martha Coakley. It should be a relief for the taxpayers to have Baker at the helm, at least fiscally. And to dispel that rumor Baker will lay waste to the pension system, I offer two good reasons: First, the Commonwealth views your pension as a contract between you (worker) and the state – with SJC case law to back that up. It cannot be altered by either party, once an employee is vested in the system. Which leads me to point two; only new employees’ pensions can be modified, which would be made clear when hiredAnd any of you skeptics who still cling to the myth of the Democrat as a supporter of the working man, look at your check, we all pay different amounts toward our contribution, ranging from 6% to 13%, thank you donkeys. Oh, and don’t forget outgoing Gov. Pat- rick (D!) cut our Quinn Bill pay, and put flagmen on the street. Hey Deval, don’t let the door to your (former) $11 million office hit you in the backside on the way out. H H H H H H H H H H H Speaking of our outgoing diminutive Governor, Deval Patrick almost took the crown of worst governor ever from Mike Dukakis. Patrick’s title hopes were smashed when the headrest to the Gover- nor’s limo was found, and Dukakis testified on behalf of Marathon Bombing accesory after the fact Robel Phillipos. Don’t feel bad for Deval, he’ll always be number two (catch me if you can Red China). H H H H H H H H H H H The ballot questions also proved a boon to taxpayers. Q1, an auto- matic gas tax increase was scrapped, and Q2 a higher/expanded bottle deposit got taken out handily. Casinos will go forward (Q3) and paid sick time (Q4) will be offered to all employees. And in typical Mas- sachusetts fashion, despite Republican gains in the US House and Senate, we still have nothing but D’s, just like my sophomore report