PAX Centurion - September / October 2015

Page 50 • PAX CENTURION • September/October 2015 617-989-BPPA (2772) My kids got me a “Suns Out Guns Out” T-shirt…it was long sleeved. H H H H H H H H H H H H H I visited a “clothing optional” beach this summer. They told me it wasn’t an option… H H H H H H H H H H H H H Somehow I always end up on my brother-in-law’s boat during “Shark Week”. It wouldn’t be so bad, but he calls me Chum. H H H H H H H H H H H H H No one goes to the beach, looks out at the water and doesn’t hear the “Jaws” music. H H H H H H H H H H H H H I won’t say I’m old, but I was at a party and all the younger guys at the table were showing pictures of girls on their phones, no one wanted see my pics of food and my dog. H H H H H H H H H H H H H What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happens in work gets talked about forever…#legends H H H H H H H H H H H H H The Red Sox sucked so bad this year, aerial coverage was provided by the Hindenburg. H H H H H H H H H H H H H Hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock is like drinking O’Douls. H H H H H H H H H H H H H Are cops the only profession that works on their vacation? H H H H H H H H H H H H H Kids are your participant trophy for sex. H H H H H H H H H H H H H If you see someone picking their nose in the store or work, it grosses you out. So why is it that when you’re in the car it’s OK? (thanks RT) H H H H H H H H H H H H H I still keep my eyes and ears open at work, even though I can’t see or hear $#!+. H H H H H H H H H H H H H This summer was so busy more guys got whacked on Friday nights than in all three Godfather movies. #yaordered!! H H H H H H H H H H H H H Some cops are proactive, some reactive, some aggressive, or passive. My policing style is sarcastic. H H H H H H H H H H H H H I got so tanned this summer, I got Casino money. H H H H H H H H H H H H H Two things it is impossible to get rid of. Sand from the beach in your car, and pine needles from your Christmas tree. H H H H H H H H H H H H H Whenever you get in trouble, it is usually for something you did or didn’t do, BUT if you don’t do anything you’ll be OK. H H H H H H H H H H H H H I agree with feminists, Porn creates unrealistic expectations. I mean really have you seen those guys??? H H H H H H H H H H H H H It is impossible to cheat on these three: your barber, your dentist, and your dog. H H H H H H H H H H H H H I hate Levi’s not only do they tell how fat you are, but how short, too! H H H H H H H H H H H H H The gatekeepers of chaos By P.O. Jay Moccia If you choose to kneel, you may never be able to stand. H H H H H H H H H H H H H I’m ready for Hillary…to go to JAIL!!! H H H H H H H H H H H H H Does anyone else see the irony? Hillary kept her server in the bathroom, and her excuses are full of you know what! (Hey, this is a family paper.) H H H H H H H H H H H H H When meeting with an Italian it is mandatory to provide food, come to think of it, when an Italian talks to himself food’s mandatory. H H H H H H H H H H H H H It’s unfair to judge how cops handle EDP’s. We have to figure out in 6 seconds what takes trained doctors months to discover. H H H H H H H H H H H H H People…tattoos are forever! 20 years and 50 pounds will make that Playboy bunny look like Mickey Mouse… H H H H H H H H H H H H H I saw a guy at the Jazz Festival playing air guitar in the crowd, is that like coaching from the sidelines? H H H H H H H H H H H H H I just may punch someone…”Officer I parked my car about three streets that way, is it OK there?” H H H H H H H H H H H H H When an event has more cops than spectators, it should be cancelled. H H H H H H H H H H H H H There is no problem in life that cannot be eased with any of these three things: Money, hugs, or bacon. H H H H H H H H H H H H H I don’t see the glass as half full or half empty, I see it smashed over my head… H H H H H H H H H H H H H Most men’s dancing ability increases exponentially in relation to the amount of alcohol they have consumed. H H H H H H H H H H H H H Love him or hate him, but Donald Trump is making all the other candidates better. H H H H H H H H H H H H H As a dad, I’m obligated to make “Dad Jokes.” Unfortunately, they do not translate well to other languages/cultures. Case in point: I went to a convenience store to grab ice and half & half. As the clerk placed my two items in the same bag I said; “looks like I’m getting ice cream.” To which the clerk replied in a thick accent: “Ice cream in last chest.” H H H H H H H H H H H H H If you got, God forbid, got cancer of the taste bud, and you were told by your doc that they were sending you to a specialist with 25 years experience in cancer of the taste bud, you would hang on EVERY word that guy said. So why is it that cops with a ton of time on are routinely ignored?? H H H H H H H H H H H H H Cops were ordered on an epic scale this summer. And while they were compensated for their time by OT pay, who compensates them for the time they were taken away from their families? H H H H H H H H H H H H H The Massachusetts State Supreme Court has determined that lying See Gatekeepers on page 54