PAX Centurion - January / March 2016

Page 56 • PAX CENTURION • January/March 2016 617-989-BPPA (2772) A player to be named later By P.O. Jay Moccia Swim up bars are cool until you realize the guy next to you has had eight beers and hasn’t left his stool… H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H Stepping into a clump of seaweed in the ocean turns everyone into a screeching 12 year old girl… H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H I came thisclose to starting a fight at a bar inAruba. They had nothing but soccer on the TV’s and I asked the bartender if he could put on some sports… H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H OK, I’m certainly not chiseled from stone, BUT despite a muffin top and chesticles, when I go to the beach, I don’t wear a shirt (sorry for that visual, but it’s for the good of the bit). I get pissed when I see people wearing giant hats, long sleeved shirts and long pants on the beach. I mean, really why bother?? H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H MyAruban vacation has been like Trump’s campaign. I’m smoking those Cubans. H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar for his role in “The Revenant” (another remake, but more on that later). During his acceptance speech, Leo waved the panic flag of Climate Change, claiming they had trouble finding a place with enough snow to make the film. Hey Leo, you could have used Massachusetts last year we had about ten feet of fluffy white global warming. And by the way, parking your luxury motor coach under a couple of pines trees doesn’t make you an outdoorsman. H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H Republican front runner Donald Trump got into a war of words with the Pope. It seems Francis believes building a wall is “not Christian.” Hmm, last time I checkedVatican City has a wall, and if you don’t follow the rules of the church, Heaven may not be your final destination… just sayin’. H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H In NYC, a Craigslist sneaker dealer named Phillipe Pierre, arranged to meet a buyer to sell him a pair of Air Jordans. The buyer, Zachary Sam, however had other ideas, whipping out a gun, and robbing the sneaker guy, who not to be outdone, swung his car around and chased down the ARMED robber, eventually running him down, and pinning him to a fence, severing the unlucky mugger’s arm. NYPD has charged them both… any bets that Sam’s charges are dropped to “unarmed” robbery? Pierre should get a medal. File under: one armed bandit. H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H Apple and the U.S. Government are sparring over whether or not the Tech giant will/can unlock the phone of Muslim terrorist Farooq Saeed.You remember him, an adherent to the religion of peace, who along with his wife, was involved in the San Bernadino attack that left 14 dead and more wounded. Strangely enough, I’m siding withApple, with this caveat: it is a privacy issue that involves us all. This should be decided by a judge, and a set of rules outlining certain criteria/ protocols must be established, and which need to be met in order to trigger going around a user’s security features. The FourthAmendment guarantees privacy, and this is after everything else, a privacy case. Now, I’m not saying that this case doesn’t meet the criteria. These savages brutally shot people down in the name of allah, and their privacy and rights are null and void, after such an act. Couple that with the fact that they’re dead (and good riddance, I hope they’re burning in Hell as you read this), and it appears on the surface to be a no- brainer, BUT, Uncle Sam needs to be reminded, the U.S. Constitution is there to protect the rest of us citizens who don’t need a tool like that in the wrong hands. Need I remind you of the IRS targeting of Conservatives? H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H FBI informant and murderous Southie gangster Whitey Bulger was disciplined for (ahem) “sexual misconduct” in his prison cell. Talk about trying to beat the rap… H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H A Boston Herald article claims “angry, fast-thinking” voters are going with Trump. Funny, I don’t remember seeing a “stupid, non- thinking” voters going for Hillary article. H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H Looks like Boston voters may be mulling a ban on plastic grocery bags soon. A petition is making its way to City Hall, proposing paper bags make a comeback so as to lessen the impact on the environment. Now when I was a kid, I worked in a grocery store. All items were placed in brown paper bags. Then these eco-nazis told us we had to “save the trees” and “paper or plastic” became a punch-line until paper bag use was almost zero. Fast forward 30+ years, and now these same eco-nazis want us to go back to paper bags. So I guess all the trees are saved then? Those hugs have paid off? OR is this just some other silly cause du jour for liberals. I say, it’s the law of unintended consequences. As with most knee-jerk reactions, the down the road impact is never looked at until it’s stuck in your Japanese Maple or melted into the catalytic converter of your Prius. File under: Fool me once… H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H The Oscar buzz this year didn’t focus on any one movie or actor, but rather a lack of diversity and a hint at Hollywood racism. During the broadcast, several skits poking fun at the fact there were no black nominees, were humorous but overdone diminishing their message. Studios and lefty performers like to talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, Hollywood is never about black or white, it’s always about green. (the money kind not the environment kind) Anyone think those giant egoed phonies would pass up a role for diversity?What else do you expect from a place where everything is make-believe and nothing is original? H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H $3k has been allocated by the City of Boston to provide ashtrays around the city with funny polls. You know like the tip jars in local coffee shops that let you “tip/vote: for your favorite Pokemon or chicken wing flavor. How about this poll: Why is it OK to single out one group to be treated like lepers? 1: I’m concerned about health issues. 2: I’m a bully. I’ll vote with my butt, straight into the gutter. And has anyone looked at the impact on the homeless? Sniping butts keeps them from smoking a whole cigarette. I demand a study! H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H The contract for Boston Police Detectives has finally been settled, and approved by the City Council, but not without some concern over its financial impact on Boston. I can’t recall that esteemed body being so fiscally concerned when they got their raise… just sayin’. H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H “Welcome to Hamsterdam” is displayed on the revolving marquee at a car wash smack in the middle of what some jokingly refer to as Zombieland. You know, the area near Mass Ave. and Cass Blvd. where junkies and the homeless meet and greet visitors and commuters to our